Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
