I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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