I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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