Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
