So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
