It's like God shit irony all over that family
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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