I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
