at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
