lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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