I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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