To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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