it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
