I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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