So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
