i think my mom watched the whole time
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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