Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
