I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
