I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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