But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
