I want to make a zoo with you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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