here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
