Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
