Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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