It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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