So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
