I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
