I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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