you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
this hospital has no fireball
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
