she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
