Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize