Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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