I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
