Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
