I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
