i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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