So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
