First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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