Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
