Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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