I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
