just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
