Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
