Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
