Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
