I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
