You're my little dorito
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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