We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
