i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize