just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and she was petting her beer can
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
