Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
