i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize