Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
