So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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