i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
