honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
