Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
