party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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