This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
be right there i have to get my cape
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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