when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
