I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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