i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
