How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she looked like the before picture.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
